|
Children's Who Witness Abuse Program |
|
 |
|
IMAGINE GROWING UP IN A HOME WHERE... |
|
YOUR DAD |
|
 beats your mom and threatens to kill her
|
|
calls your Mom nasty names
|
|
tries to hurt you or your pet
|
|
throws things around in a fit of rage
|
|
believes he has a right to hurt your Mom
|
|
believes your Mom deserves to be hit
|
|
is angry a good deal of the time
|
|
walks around like a time-bomb ready to blow up any minute
|
|
promises he will never hurt you or your Mom again and then he does
|
|
YOUR MUM |
|
feels terrified of your Dad
|
|
tries to escape from your Dad's temper
|
|
screams out for help
|
|
picks up the kitchen knife to defend herself
|
|
feels depressed & cries a good deal of the time
|
|
thinks she deserves to be hit
|
|
makes excuses for your Dad's temper tantrums
|
|
gets furious at your Dad and takes it out on you
|
|
promises to leave if your Dad ever hits her again
|
|
and then she doesn't |
|
Children depend upon adults to protect them, support them and help them survive. Being abused damages their sense of safety. It also makes them more likely to be abused and exploited in the future. But children need not be physically or sexually assaulted to be hurt. Those who witness violence in their home are also victims. These children live with fear and anxiety waiting for the next violent episode to occur. They do not feel safe. |
|
When children witnessed the abuse of their mother they learn that |
|
love and pain go together
|
|
people use force to solve problems
|
|
people need to give in to keep the peace
|
|
Children deal with the stress of witnessing wife abuse in two ways: they hold it inside (internalize) or they express it (externalize). |
|
With abuse as a model for how relationships work, children develop inappropriate attitudes about violence and what constitutes power in a relationship. A child may learn the role of either the abuser or the victim and act out these roles. |
|
Both boys and girls who see violence at home quickly learn to use violence as a way to solve problems. Though, boys are more likely to be aggressive, while girls more frequently act out their stress and anxiety by having health complaints (headaches, stomachaches) and by passive dependent behaviour (they get "picked on" and don't stand up for themselves assertively). |
|
Preschoolers tend to yell more, be more irritable, stutter, shake, rock, have nightmares and other sleep disturbances. Children under 10 years tend to blame themselves and believe that they are the cause of the violence. In general, young children who witness the abuse of their mother are less able to solve personal problems in assertive and healthy ways. |
|
As they get older, these children are less understanding of their mothers, and some may begin to abuse them as they have seen their fathers do. Girls may believe that abuse is normal and are more likely to become involved in abusive relationships, accepting abuse from boys as a normal part of having a boyfriend. While adolescence boys may become abusive in their own dating relationships. |
|
Other teen behaviours may include acting out in aggressive or delinquent ways: running away, assaulting their mother and younger family members, attempting suicide, drug and alcohol abuse, poor school performance. |
|
When mom can not effectively parent, teens frequently assume this role in their family. They take on the role of protector and become "too old, too fast" and miss out on the enjoyment of their teen years. |
|
Children 11 years and up don't usually blame themselves for the violence, but they don't necessarily assign responsibility to the abuser either. They may well excuse him and may side with him because he has the power in the family. They may feel angry with Mom for not protecting herself. |
|
How children are affected by witnessing the abuse of their mothers depends on a number of factors such as their age when the abuse began, how Mom coped, and what help and support the child and Mom received. |
|
Studies have shown that children from violent homes can |
|
do well as adults if they finish growing up in a loving, |
|
nonviolent home. It also helps if they are exposed |
|
to nonviolent and nonabusive adult role models |
|
from outside the home. |
|
A MAJOR DECIDING FACTOR IN RECOVERY IS THAT |
|
MOM AND CHILDREN RECEIVE SUPPORT |
|
|
|
Cythera Counselling Centre offers individual and age-appropriate group counselling to children from 4 years through to 18 years. In a safe environment children are able to share their thoughts and feelings, enhance their self-esteem and learn problem solving skills. Counselling in a group setting also lets children know that they are not alone in what they are experiencing. |
|
Because it is important for boys who have experienced abusive male behaviour in the home to be exposed to positive/healthy male role models, most of our children's groups have a male and female facilitator. For those children not ready for a group environment, some individual counselling is available. |
|
Support For Caregivers |
|
Caregivers of children in the program are provided with the opportunity to attend weekly informational meetings which will assist them in dealing with the challenge of parenting their children. In order to best support a child during the counselling process, it is advisable to participate in the this offered services. |
|
Support is provided through education and information sharing sessions giving caregivers the opportunity to explore general parenting difficulties that may exist due to abuse issues. An understanding of the flow of topics presented in the children's sessions will also prepare the caregiver to deal with the emotional shifts their child may be experiencing. |
|
Children who are removed from a violent home must know love and security, that they will not be abandoned, and that they are not responsible for the breakup of the family, the violence, or the sad feelings of their mother. Working together in this way can help to strengthen the overall sense of family, while both child and mother are in transition. |
| The cycle of abuse can be broken but it takes a lot of support and understanding. That's what Cythera offers. |
|
This program is offered to women and children who are not currently living in an abusive situation and is available through self-referral. |
|
HOW DO I GET REFERRED? |
| call |